I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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