I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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