I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
