does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
