mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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