then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
