me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Farmville is her only friend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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