I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
