I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize