I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
