Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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