My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
