"it" just moved
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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