he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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