The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
