sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize