There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
