wanna go halves on a baby?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
