I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
