I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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