Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
