Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
