what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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