Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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