he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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