did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
