dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Drake has all the answers
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
