Got a toothbrush?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
