is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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