god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
