If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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