Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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