miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
