I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
