you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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