We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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