all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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