Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
