I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
