i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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