I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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