Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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