no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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