I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
