A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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