C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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