I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
