For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
