Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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