He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
