Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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