i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
FUCK WHALES
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
