im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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