Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
