He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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