I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
