just come out here and I will go home with you...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
