I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
