Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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