i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
