Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
