Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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