Fuck appropriateness.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
