WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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