Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.

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(347): you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair. http://tfl.nu/pf7y

Replies (100) Good night (1249) Bad night (4184)
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(316): View more from Kansas

No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.

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(316): No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here. http://tfl.nu/05bz

Replies (71) Good night (965) Bad night (6314)
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(607): View more from New York

he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.

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(607): he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom. http://tfl.nu/mpyr

Replies (21) Good night (1117) Bad night (4163)
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(314): View more from Missouri

You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

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(314): You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you. http://tfl.nu/ejbb

Replies (9) Good night (7975) Bad night (1051)
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(416): View more from Toronto

i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.

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(416): i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino. http://tfl.nu/gey0

Replies (3) Good night (1628) Bad night (998)
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(207): View more from Maine

No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.

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(207): No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better. http://tfl.nu/mlps

Replies (14) Good night (1508) Bad night (4080)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.

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(313): Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck. http://tfl.nu/ib4p

Replies (4) Good night (2243) Bad night (1625)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.

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(828): Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog. http://tfl.nu/3nqo

Replies (4) Good night (2254) Bad night (888)
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(512): View more from Texas

Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

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(512): Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today. http://tfl.nu/tybk

Replies (10) Good night (1595) Bad night (2072)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"

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(802): Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way" http://tfl.nu/zpi3

Replies (7) Good night (1148) Bad night (848)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.

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(480): Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night. http://tfl.nu/4efw

Replies (13) Good night (847) Bad night (1605)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.

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(973): We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend. http://tfl.nu/o8s0

Replies (3) Good night (978) Bad night (555)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma

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(919): Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma http://tfl.nu/tsev

Replies (1) Good night (1020) Bad night (361)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego

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(413): The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego http://tfl.nu/wcwo

Replies (0) Good night (534) Bad night (322)
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(361): View more from Texas

I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.

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(361): I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08. http://tfl.nu/948b

Replies (3) Good night (768) Bad night (422)

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