Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.