I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.