I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.