Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.