I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw