Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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(740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5

Replies (39) Good night (8138) Bad night (735)
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(845): View more from New York

You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

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(845): You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you. http://tfl.nu/t7go

Replies (21) Good night (4665) Bad night (1064)
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(517): View more from Michigan

woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

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(517): woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner. http://tfl.nu/lvfr

Replies (13) Good night (1911) Bad night (4214)
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(773): View more from Illinois

he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

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(773): he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex. http://tfl.nu/ci3t

Replies (23) Good night (4654) Bad night (1002)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.

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(610): I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting. http://tfl.nu/w8rn

Replies (9) Good night (1257) Bad night (6911)
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(512): View more from Texas

dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.

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(512): dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander. http://tfl.nu/scp8

Replies (29) Good night (4592) Bad night (1239)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards

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(973): Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards http://tfl.nu/2nd3

Replies (8) Good night (1898) Bad night (949)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want

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(570): Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want http://tfl.nu/5ndp

Replies (5) Good night (2291) Bad night (733)
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(647): View more from Ontario

A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".

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(647): A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe". http://tfl.nu/rgh4

Replies (6) Good night (1234) Bad night (1936)
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(804): View more from Virginia

What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.

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(804): What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language. http://tfl.nu/0hum

Replies (3) Good night (2641) Bad night (569)
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(714): View more from California

I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again

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(714): I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again http://tfl.nu/ze4i

Replies (5) Good night (493) Bad night (1674)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.

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(336): Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/v7i7

Replies (6) Good night (767) Bad night (292)
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(314): View more from Missouri

She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"

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(314): She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!" http://tfl.nu/o6vj

Replies (3) Good night (912) Bad night (233)
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(406): View more from Montana

That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!

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(406): That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face! http://tfl.nu/7j4j

Replies (2) Good night (202) Bad night (392)
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(641): View more from Iowa

I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.

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(641): I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor. http://tfl.nu/67h2

Replies (6) Good night (311) Bad night (226)

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