Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.