I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
