Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.