Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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