There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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