I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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