Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
