my room smells like sperm. sweet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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