I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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