is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
