i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
