you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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