it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
