My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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