nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
