it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
