happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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