Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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