We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
