I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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