I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There r osticjed everywhere
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
