i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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