She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
