I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
