i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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