they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
