I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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